That has got to be one of the funniest things I have read in a LONG
time.!!!!
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Preacher
99 &1/2 5.2L CC 4x4 SLT+ R/T (Redneck/Truck)
CUSTOM DECALS: http://www.bastaards.org/CustomDecals.htm
Webmaster: http://www.bastaards.org
===============================================
----- Original Message -----
From: The Man From Utopia <tmfu@home.com>
To: <dakota-truck@buffnet.net>
Sent: Monday, June 19, 2000 10:26 PM
Subject: WAS: DML: secret CB antenna Get a ham license, NOW: Antenna Humor
>
>
> For those intrepid members that managed to wade through all of Talbot's
> "Clutch Chatter" column in the March issue without suffering brain fade by
> the end of the first paragraph, I thought I would set forth a brief
> explanation of the work done in support of my conclusion that magnetic
mount
> CB antennas will physically separate from their support media at speeds
> approximating 110 mph.
> First of all, let me be sure that everyone understands that I have not
> personally ever operated my car on the public streets at any speed
remotely
> close to 110 mph. No. Really. 65, maybe 70 if I'm following a semi.
Honest.
> And I would never even think about putting a magnetic mount CB antenna on
> the top of my cherished Porsche. That could scratch the paint. Especially
if
> it blew off on the way to Road Atlanta. And made a real loud scary noise
and
> flopped around on top of the car because the antenna wire was fed through
> the passenger side window which was then closed to keep out the cool
> November evening air.
> No, my conclusion is based upon a hypothetical theoretical computer model
> currently loaded on my son's Speak and Spell Supercomputer running in
> parallel with a 62k Sharp Wizard. This sophisticated program was developed
> by myself and scientists from the world renowned Porsche Citizen's Band
> Racing Antenna team. This computer model predicts that if one mounts a
> magnetic mount CB antenna on the roof of a 1988 Porsche 911 (Grand Prix
> White) and if the antenna wire is fed through the passenger side window,
the
> window is then closed and the vehicle accelerates to 110 mph on I-75
> southbound with a 4 mph cross wind and relative humidity of 37.8%, then
the
> magnetic mount antenna will peel right off and bang the hell out of the
> car's roof. No foolin. This did not happen. Really.
> DO NOT TRY THIS ON YOUR CAR. It is a job only for trained professionals
like
> myself. And, if you decide to try this experiment with your own vehicle,
do
> not under ANY circumstance open the passenger side window while you are
> traveling 110 mph because the wildly flailing CB antenna will get sucked
> backwards by the slipstream until the antenna wire is taut, then fall off
to
> the passenger side of the car and beat the hell out of the side of the
car.
> Trust me on this one. Computers do not fib.
> Since there is currently an ever increasing demand for a magnetic mount CB
> antenna that will remain aerodynamically stable when mounted to Porsches
> traveling at Warp Factor 7, we will continue our work on this urgent
> project. Please send donations to the Institute for the Magnetically
> Challenged, c/o Dave Talbot at this publication. Please be generous, the
> Institute is running low on the icy cold malt beverages that keep the
> Supercomputer from overheating. A couple of new AA batteries wouldn't hurt
> either since the S&S Supercomputer is starting to slur again.
> Finally, I would like to extend a special thank you to Dave Talbot for
> bringing this vital work to the attention of the OVR membership. As a new
> member of this organization, I am extremely pleased to learn that the
> members are interested in topics of such social relevance. I am currently
> working on several projects in addition to the magnetic mount CB antenna
and
> will try to report on them infrequently and sporadically.
> Be Seeing You!
> Mason Evans
> copyright 1996 Mason Evans
>
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