Now THAT....was funny!!!
----- Original Message -----
From: "Richard Jacewitz" <rjacew@webzone.net>
To: "Dakota Net" <dakota-truck@buffnet.net>
Sent: Friday, July 14, 2000 9:08 PM
Subject: DML: Women vs Men Oil Changes
> Oil Changing Instructions for Women:
>
>
> 1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 since the last oil
> change.
>
> 2) Drink a cup of coffee.
>
> 3)15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained
> vehicle.
>
> Money spent: $20.00 for oil change $1.00 for coffee
> Total = $21.00
>
>
> Oil Change instructions for Men:
>
>
> 1) Go to O' Reillys auto parts and write a check
> for $50.00 for oil, filter, kitty Litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree.
>
> 2) Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking it back
> to O'Reilly to recycle, dump in hole in back yard.
>
> 3) Open a beer and drink it.
>
> 4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
>
> 5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
>
> 6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
>
> 7) Place drain pan under engine.
>
> 8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
>
> 9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
>
> 10) Unscrew drain plug.
>
> 11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: get hot oil on you in process.
>
> 12) Clean up mess.
>
> 13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
>
> 14) Look for oil filter wrench.
>
> 15) Give up; poke oil filter with screwdriver and twist off.
>
> 16) Beer.
>
> 17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. Finish oil change
> tomorrow.
>
> 18) Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car.
>
> 19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.
>
> 20) Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.
>
> 21) Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
>
> 22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to
gasket
> surface.
>
> 23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
>
> 24) Remember drain plug from step 11.
>
> 25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
>
> 26) Discover that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard, along
> with drain plug.
>
> 27) Drink beer.
>
> 28) Uncover hole and sift for drain plug.
>
> 29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor.
>
> 30) Drink beer.
>
> 31) Slip with wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame.
>
> 32) Bang head on floor boards in reaction to step 31.
>
> 33) Begin cussing fit.
>
> 34) Throw wrench.
>
> 35) Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss December (1992)
> in her overabundant chest.
>
> 35) Beer.
>
> 36) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop blood
> flow.
>
> 37) Beer.
>
> 38) Beer.
>
> 39) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
>
> 40) Beer.
>
> 41) Lower car from jack stands.
>
> 42) Accidentally crush one of the jack stands.
>
> 43) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during
> step 23.
>
> 44) Beer.
>
> 45) Test drive car.
>
> 46) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
>
> 47) Car gets impounded.
>
> 48) Make bail: Get car from impound yard.
>
> Money spent: $50.00 parts
> $25.00 beer
> $75.00 replacement set of jack stands
> $1,000.00 Bail
> $200.00 Impound and towing fee
> Total = $1350.00
>
>
>
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