DC board meeting

From: Chuck Robbins (intense99dak@home.com)
Date: Sat Sep 16 2000 - 18:51:58 EDT


This was just on a.a.d.t. Long, but good.

Lets look in on a board meeting at Dodge...

Chairman: "So, how the hell are we going to make this thing as annoying as
possible"

Engineer: "Stick the distributor in the back"

Chairman: "Will it be like pulling teeth to set the timing and replace the
rotor and cap"

Engineer: "Oh hell yeah"

Chairman "Bitchin! So how are we going to keep the engine performance
down?"

Engineer: "That's tough, since this is a good engine we've decided that
maybe
what we can do is cause it to misfire often by putting the coil at the front
of the engine and using a very flimsy 7mm wire to connect it to the
distributor"

Chairman: "aight"

Engineer: "this should provide enough performance loss, and keep the average
non-gearhead pulling his hair out"

Chairman: "ok, can we do this REALLY cheap"

Engineer: "yes, we can get the cheapest parts China can provide"

Chairman: "make it so"

Chairman: OK, now we've got the distributor in the back and that cheap-ass
coil wire... but how long will it last?

Engineer: Well sir, if our calculations are correct it will last 36,003
miles or 1,100 days which ever occurs first

Chairman: Yeah, I like that..... you're sure about the days?

Engineer: Oh, yes sir! Absolutely!

Chairman: Well good... we wouldn't want any of these sucker's failing
during the warranty period now would we?

Engineer: Oh, no sir!

Chairman: Now exactly how long does it take to replace the distributor cap
and the coil wire?

Engineer: Well sir, our best technician did the cap in just under 45
minutes and the coil wire in just under 23 minutes. That of course was on a
cool, clean engine and he was holding his tongue just right!

Chairman: Yes, very nice..... now, how long have you allowed in the flat
rate manual for the dealer to do this assuming that one would fail during
the warranty period.

Engineer: Well sir, in the unlikely event one would fail during the
warranty period, we are allowing the dealer three-tenths of an hour for the
distributor cap and two-tenths of an hour for the coil wire.

Chairman: Hmmmmm.... seems kind of generous to me.

Engineer: Well sir, it does at first glance, but keep in mind <evil
chuckle> that the technician must first diagnose the problem and wait in
line at the parts counter for the right part so we are reasonably certain
that the actual time to do the job will at least be double of what we
allowed.

Chairman: Ahem, very good! Now what about replacement part pricing?

Engineer: I think you will be very pleased about that sir. We are now
producing the cap for about 36 cents and with packaging, cataloging, and
stocking, our projected cost per unit is 43 cents. We have a projected
selling cost to the dealer of $12.45 and with the standard dealer markup of
40 percent, that gives us a suggested price to the consumer of $17.43. I
think you should be aware though sir that the dealers are complaining about
only getting 40 percent.

Chairman: Why those greedy bastards! They should consider themselves
damned lucky to get that! Thank you for the report on the distributor cap
and coil wire issues.

Engineer: Your welcome, sir!

Chairman: Now on to the next item on the agenda... who is prepared to
discuss the new vendor agreement with Firestone?



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