AP WIRE SERVICES > > WASHINGTON D.C. - (AP)
Following an emergency meeting Thursday morning,
Congress unanimously voted to excise Florida from the
United States of America. The move was a reaction to
the confusion and irregularities in the state's voting
numbers that have totally disrupted the 2000
Presidential election. "This is the last straw,"
said Utah senator Orin Hatch. "First Elian Gonzales,
nowthis." Several congressmen told reporters the
decision has been a long time coming. "We're all
pretty much sick of Florida," said Representative
Barney Frank. "They've been a constant embarrassment
for too long now." Added Frank, "They had Dan Marino
for a while, but what have they done lately? Oh
that's
right, screw up our entire democracy. I forgot." In a
speech on the Senate floor, Massachusetts senator Ted
Kennedy commented that the loss of Florida's sizable
elderly population will free up billions of dollars
in
social security funds. "These are valuable funds
which can now be redirected toward national defense.
We can finally rebuild our demoralized, weakened
military," said the Senator to roaring applause. (AP)
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