Date: Fri, 12 Apr 2002 10:32:50 -0500
It's that time again . . . . . They are finally out again. You all know about
the Darwin Awards. It's an annual honor given to the person who did the gene
pool the biggest service by killing himself in the most extraordinarily
stupid way.
The Arizona Highway Patrol came upon a pile of smoldering metal embedded into
the side of a cliff rising above the road at the apex of a curve. The
wreckage resembled the site of an airplane crash, but it was a car. The type
of car was unidentifiable at the scene. The lab finally figured out what it
was and what had happened. It seems that a guy had somehow gotten hold of a
JATO unit (Jet Assisted Take Off - actually a solid fuel rocket) that is used
to give heavy
military transport planes an extra "push" for taking off from short
airfields. He had driven his Chevy Impala out into the desert and found a
long and straight stretch of road. Then he attached the JATO unit to his car,
jumped in, got up some speed and fired off the JATO! The facts as best as
could be determined are that the operator of the 1967 Impala hit the JATO
ignition at a distance of approximately 3.0 miles from the crash site. This
was established by the prominent scorched and melted
asphalt at that location. The JATO, if operating properly, would have reached
maximum thrust within 5 seconds, causing the Chevy to reach speeds well in
excess of 350 mph and continuing at full power for an additional 20-25
seconds. The driver, and soon to be pilot, most likely would have experienced
G-forces usually reserved for dog fighting F-14 jocks under full
afterburners, causing him to become insignificant for the remainder of the
event. However, the automobile remained on the
straight highway for about 2.5 miles (15-20 seconds) before the driver
applied and completely melted the brakes, blowing the tires and leaving thick
rubber marks on the road surface, then becoming airborne for an additional
1.4 miles and impacting the cliff face at a height of 125 feet leaving a
blackened crater 3 feet deep in the rock. Most of the driver's remains were
not recoverable; however, small fragments of bone,
teeth and hair were extracted from the crater and fingernail and bone shards
were removed from a piece of debris believed to be a portion of the steering
wheel. Epilogue: It has been calculated that this moron nearly reached 0.7
Mach, attaining a ground speed of approximately 420 mph.
DAK Content: "Only way to out run a Dak with a chebby" Bill
SEMIHEMI01@AOL.COM> KB SuperCharged, 4.7L, 2001, QC,
<A HREF="http://hometown.aol.com/semihemi01">the "DAK",</A> <A
HREF="http://www.southernmopar.org/index.shtml">SouthernMopar</A>
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