This is by far the funniest thing I've ever read off the DML...very creative!!
In a message dated 9/17/99 11:45:09 AM Eastern Daylight Time,
Shaun.Hendricks@bergenbrunswig.com writes:
> At first I was skeptical of all the claims of the HP doubling
capabilities
> of the DML sticker, but when mine came in the mail, I was facinated by it's
> 'draw' power. Attracted like a magnet, I immediately put the circular one
> on
> my Dakota. Suddenly the entire truck came alive. I thought, "What is this
> crazy power it possesses?" and four cop cars instantly pulled up and warned
> that my neighbors had complained about a 'mad rabid lion' running loose in
> the
> tract, or so they thought the sound was. I apologized and shut the engine
> off.
> Now I had to find the scientific explaination for the sudden surge of
> power
> in the 5.2L engine. I began by taking my uninstalled DML sticker and
> placing
> it on the test bench. After full testing with the scope, flow meters and
> neutron particle bombardment, I found nothing significant. I removed the
> back
> glass of my shell, disconnecting the installed DML sticker from the truck
> and
> nearly killed myself from the jolt of energy as the connection circuit was
> broken (next time I'll ask Jon to install a power switch so it's not quite
> so
> dangerous). The glass glowed with a silvery blue light, but I was
> interested
> in testing the truck in it's original state. Nope, nothing special about
> the
> engine after that, it was still a 5.2L Magnum V8: ho-hum. The neighborhood
> kids began amusing themselves by toasting marshmellows over the removed
> glass
> and making s'mores. It was obvious that the sticker was the key.
> After many arduous hours of hooking up the test gear to the glass and
the
> truck, I put on my haz-mat suit and grabbed the glass with my 10 foot
> suction
> tipped 'grip' pole. The computers were processing away, reading every bit
> of
> data. I had high-speed cameras shooting mirrors lined up on the truck, in
> case of any large explosions (to protect the cameras of course). It came
> time
> to reconnect the glass. The motor idled quietly, and the tension rose.
The
> glass made contact with the mountings and suddenly, all the instruments
went
> crazy. The engine revved with power! It was amazing! The data flowed
like
> Niagra falls, the computers couldn't keep up, even my direct link with
> SCANDIA
> National Labs went down from the flow. Time to analyze what data we had.
> Many hundreds of man-hours later we have come to the conclusion that the
> DML sticker is a dimensional doorway (much like the Bermuda Triangle, and
> pyramid shapes) to the dimension of "Horsepower". Once opened, this
doorway
> can't be closed except by damaging the sticker in some fashion. The
effects
> of the sticker are wide ranging though, and include...
>
> Global Warming
> Ozone Depletion
> Oxygen Depletion
> Petroluem Depletion
> Financial Depletion
> Hair Loss
> Dogs & Cats living together, and hence
> Armageddon...
>
> Because of this, there are several bills before Congress to make
> distribution of the DML stickers illegal, or at least have a 5 day waiting
> period and require a federal test you must pass before you can be eligible
> to
> use it. They are also trying for force all licenses to become "Concealed
> Permits" only as open display of the DML sticker causes envy and rage
> reactions from lesser equipped vehicles.
> So get your sticker quick, it should be the first mod of any Dakster
who
> is
> serious about the love of their Dakota. Display it proudly, before it's
all
> illegal...
>
> Shaun
This archive was generated by hypermail 2b29 : Fri Jun 20 2003 - 12:16:52 EDT