Very funny and....man do you have a lot of time on your hands!:-)
-----Original Message-----
From: Shaun.Hendricks@bergenbrunswig.com
[mailto:Shaun.Hendricks@bergenbrunswig.com]
Sent: Friday, September 17, 1999 11:39 AM
To: dakota-truck@buffnet.net
Subject: DML: Why the DML sticker adds HP...
At first I was skeptical of all the claims of the HP doubling
capabilities
of the DML sticker, but when mine came in the mail, I was facinated by it's
'draw' power. Attracted like a magnet, I immediately put the circular one
on
my Dakota. Suddenly the entire truck came alive. I thought, "What is this
crazy power it possesses?" and four cop cars instantly pulled up and warned
that my neighbors had complained about a 'mad rabid lion' running loose in
the
tract, or so they thought the sound was. I apologized and shut the engine
off.
Now I had to find the scientific explaination for the sudden surge of
power
in the 5.2L engine. I began by taking my uninstalled DML sticker and
placing
it on the test bench. After full testing with the scope, flow meters and
neutron particle bombardment, I found nothing significant. I removed the
back
glass of my shell, disconnecting the installed DML sticker from the truck
and
nearly killed myself from the jolt of energy as the connection circuit was
broken (next time I'll ask Jon to install a power switch so it's not quite
so
dangerous). The glass glowed with a silvery blue light, but I was
interested
in testing the truck in it's original state. Nope, nothing special about
the
engine after that, it was still a 5.2L Magnum V8: ho-hum. The neighborhood
kids began amusing themselves by toasting marshmellows over the removed
glass
and making s'mores. It was obvious that the sticker was the key.
After many arduous hours of hooking up the test gear to the glass and the
truck, I put on my haz-mat suit and grabbed the glass with my 10 foot
suction
tipped 'grip' pole. The computers were processing away, reading every bit
of
data. I had high-speed cameras shooting mirrors lined up on the truck, in
case of any large explosions (to protect the cameras of course). It came
time
to reconnect the glass. The motor idled quietly, and the tension rose. The
glass made contact with the mountings and suddenly, all the instruments went
crazy. The engine revved with power! It was amazing! The data flowed like
Niagra falls, the computers couldn't keep up, even my direct link with
SCANDIA
National Labs went down from the flow. Time to analyze what data we had.
Many hundreds of man-hours later we have come to the conclusion that the
DML sticker is a dimensional doorway (much like the Bermuda Triangle, and
pyramid shapes) to the dimension of "Horsepower". Once opened, this doorway
can't be closed except by damaging the sticker in some fashion. The effects
of the sticker are wide ranging though, and include...
Global Warming
Ozone Depletion
Oxygen Depletion
Petroluem Depletion
Financial Depletion
Hair Loss
Dogs & Cats living together, and hence
Armageddon...
Because of this, there are several bills before Congress to make
distribution of the DML stickers illegal, or at least have a 5 day waiting
period and require a federal test you must pass before you can be eligible
to
use it. They are also trying for force all licenses to become "Concealed
Permits" only as open display of the DML sticker causes envy and rage
reactions from lesser equipped vehicles.
So get your sticker quick, it should be the first mod of any Dakster who
is
serious about the love of their Dakota. Display it proudly, before it's all
illegal...
Shaun H.
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