AHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAhAHAhaAHHAHAH!!! <cough gasp wheese - take
another breath>
AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAhahahahahhahahHAha! I love that!!!
The Man From Utopia wrote:
> The Riceboy Rules
>
> By: Slanter
>
> Author Homepage: http://www.geocities.com/dodgedart270
>
> Have you ever tried to argue with others and establish the superiority of
> your car once and for all, only to find yourself handicapped by the fact
> that you don't know anything about cars? Fortunately, you can still manage
> to get your point across without all the research and thinking needed to
> construct a sound arguement if you just adhere to a simple set of rules. If
> you love your Honda and want more than anything else to make that Camaro
> driver see things your way, just stick to these simple guidelines!
>
> 1. Image
>
> Remember, your image is extremely important as a riceboy. Therefore, make
> every effort to point out how popular the rice scene is. Appeal to how many
> people are building cars like yours. Brag about how the import scene is more
> than just a trend; it's a revolution. The urge to conform is a powerful
> force, and use it to your advantage whenever possible.
>
> 2. Opinions
>
> In a debate, your opinions count as much as real facts. If you think that
> Mustangs are ugly, that counts for just as much against them as being a
> whole second faster in the quarter mile. Remember, facts take time to look
> up, whereas opinions only take seconds to dream up.
> 3. Horsepower
>
> To estimate your own car's horsepower, take the stock hp rating, and add in
> the highest estimated power gain from each mod you have done. To estimate
> the horsepower of an American car, take its stock horsepower rating, and
> deduct 10 to 25 hp for it being a POS. Make no adjustments for mods.
> Remember, Japanese horsepower is better quality than the horsepower found in
> an American car. If you don't know how much horsepower an American car has,
> assume it has either 30 hp per liter, or 200 hp, whichever is less. If you
> only have the engine size in cubic inches and don't know how to convert it
> to liters, make up for this by talking about how much English units suck.
> You can never emphasize hp/liter ratios too much. Always brag about how this
> is more efficient, and just ignore ignorant comments like, "Well, the S2000
> makes 120 hp per liter, but it guzzles gas like a V8!" People who make these
> comments just don't understand that Japanese cars are always more efficient
> just because they are Japanese, and Japanese have more efficient technology.
> If somebody reminds you that your car still has less horsepower, talk about
> what would happen if Honda built a V8 with the same specific output as a
> Type R, or about what kind of performance a Mustang would have if it had
> only half the engine size. Some domestic trivia buffs may be able to come up
> with examples of small, high performance American engines. Just ignore these
> remarks; you're not likely to win if you try arguing about such cars.
> Concentrate on V8's instead.
>
> 4. Weight
>
> Assume all imports weigh approximately 2,500 lbs, except for extremely
> lightweight cars like the CRX and Miata. These should be assumed to weigh
> under 2,000 lbs. Assume all domestics weigh over 3,000 lbs at least,
> preferably over 3,500 lbs. The exceptions are really huge cars, such as the
> Chevy Impala or Crown Vics. These land yachts should be assumed to weigh
> over 5,000 lbs. If a domestic owner mentions something which you have no
> choice but to admit can't weigh that much, make fun of whatever POS he's
> come up with, and claim nobody in his right mind would want to be seen in
> something so ugly. See section 8, Pintos. Never, ever actually look up the
> curb weight of a car. If you make up your own weight figures, you can make
> the difference in weight look all that much more impressive. Constantly brag
> about power to weight ratios and how imports are better in that respect,
> even if somebody does the math and proves that many stock domestics have
> better power to weight ratios than your car.
>
> 5. Handling
>
> Japanese cars handle better than American ones, and small FWD American cars
> handle better than pony cars. This is to be taken as an article of faith;
> you don't need any evidence to claim this, and shouldn't bother trying to
> bring up any evidence. Most domestic owners are primarily concerned with
> drag racing, so they seldom study enough about handling to argue this point.
> If someone does attempt to argue this, reply with some mumbo jumbo about how
> solid axles date back to the days of horse drawn wagons, and leave it at
> that. Do this even if your own car has a solid axle rear suspension. Also
> emphasize that light weight means better handling. See section 4, Weight.
> Emphasize that a large V8 up front makes for poor weight distribution, and
> neglect the fact that FWD cars frequently have even worse weight
> distribution.
>
> 6. Mileage
>
> Brag about how much more mileage your car gets as often as possible. This is
> one area where you can be relatively certain your car performs better than
> muscle cars. The fact that muscle car owners usually don't care too much
> about mileage doesn't matter. Some may be content to get 25 mpg or so, so
> claim without proof that their cars really get 16 mpg or worse. Always use
> city mileage estimates for domestics, and highway mileage estimates for
> imports, to make the gap seem as large as possible.
>
> 7. Quality control and reliability
>
> American cars should be presumed to be built to 1978 levels of quality
> control. When you wish to demonstrate how much more reliable your car is,
> use either Consumer Reports or an account of some American car built in the
> late 70's or early 80's that some family member owned and afterwards swore
> never to by another American car. Brag about how your car is going to last
> 150,000 miles, and state that none of the domestics owned by your critics
> will last that long, even if some of them have somehow managed to keep a
> domestic car on the road for over 200,000 miles with an unrebuilt engine.
> Remember, closing your mind is your best defense about being confused by
> facts.
>
> 8. Pintos
>
> The Pinto should be used as an example of how badly built American cars are.
> Treat all American compact cars as modern day descendants of the Pinto.
> Ignore any comments about sick minded people who have either raced Pintos or
> stuffed V8's into them. Remember, image is what counts here, not reality.
> Pintos have a horrible reputation, and you should use it for all it's worth.
>
> 9. Progress and Technology
>
> It's an indisputable fact that cars have become better built, more powerful,
> and more reliable since the late 70's. Since you were probably born sometime
> in the late 70's or early 80's, what was built before then doesn't count
> anyway, so you can safely assume that newer is always better. Remember, many
> American V8's were designed even before the 70's, so they must be even worse
> than the cars designed in that decade. Never pass up an opportunity to
> mention any kind of technology found in your car that is not found in
> traditional American muscle cars. It doesn't matter how useful or useless
> this technology is, if it was invented by the Japanese, or even if you have
> a clue as to what it does; proclaim it to be a sign of Japanese
> technological superiority. However, you should at least make an effort to
> spell the name of the innovation correctly.
>
> 10. Street racing
>
> The best way to estimate the performance of your car is by what you've been
> able to beat in a street race. Your kill stories should have the best spin
> on them possible. For example, if you drive past a parked Corvette, claim
> you found a Corvette and blew by it like it was standing still. They don't
> have to know that it really was standing still. Never post a timeslip if you
> can avoid it.
>
> 11. Magazines
>
> Study up well on magazines like Consumer Reports and Super Street. They
> provide great arguing material. It's best to avoid magazines that cater to
> the enemy. Don't even touch books that cover serious, in-depth analysis of
> engine or chassis tuning. Your status as a riceboy is at stake here.
>
> 12. When all else fails If you can't refute anything the people you are
> arguing with say, call them rednecks and/or accuse them of being gay. These
> will get them angry without actually requiring you to think about their
> arguements.
>
> Greg
> NE# 3779
> 2K1 Neon ES
> Rahway NJ
> ICQ: 283886
> http://24.6.89.18/neon
--"Its no joke Tuco, its a rope..."
Tom http://members.aol.com/silvereightynine Site Updated - on 12/7/00 1989,V6,Auto,8 footer,4x2
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