Re: things not to say to your woman

From: Richard A Pyburn (rap777@juno.com)
Date: Sat Mar 03 2001 - 17:45:38 EST


Thanks, Mike. I enjoyed that immensely! 8^)

Richard

On Sat, 3 Mar 2001 13:18:45 -0800 "Mike" <spammike@home.com> writes:
> TO WOMEN EVERYWHERE FROM MEN WHO HAVE HAD ENOUGH :
>
> Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, put it
> down. We need it up; you need it down. You don't
> hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
>
> If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls,
> don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
>
> If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't
> ask us. We refuse to answer.
>
> Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not
> quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet
> again!
>
> If you ask a question you don't want an answer to,
> expect an answer you don't want to hear.
>
> Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with
> it. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you
> are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the
> shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
>
> Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or thechanging of the
> tides. Let it
> be.
>
> Shopping is not a sport, and, no, we're never goingto think of it
> that way.
>
> When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anythingyou wear is fine.
> Really.
>
> You have enough clothes.
>
> You have too many shoes.
>
> Crying is blackmail.
>
> Ask for what you want. Let's be clear on this one:
> Subtle hints don't work. Strong hints don't work.
> Really obvious hints don't work. Just say it!
>
> We don't know what day it is. We never will. Mark
> anniversaries on the calendar.
>
> Peeing standing up is more difficult. We're bound
> to miss sometimes.
>
> Most guys own three pairs of shoes. What makes you
> think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of
> thirty, would look good with your dress?
>
> Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to
> almost every question.
>
> Come to us with a problem only if you want help
> solving it. That's what we do.
>
> Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
>
> A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem.See a doctor.
>
> Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
>
> Check your oil.
>
> It is neither in your best interest nor ours to takethe quiz
> together.
> No, it doesn't matter which quiz.
>
> Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an
> argument. All comments become null and void after
> 7 days.
>
> If something we said can be interpreted two ways,
> and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant
> the other one.
>
> Let us ogle. We're going to look anyway; it'sgenetic.
>
> You can either tell us to do something OR tell ushow to do
> something,
> butnot both.
>
> Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to
> say during commercials.
>
> ALL men see in only 16 colors. Peach is a fruit,
> not a color.
>
> If it itches, it will be scratched.
>
> Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
>
> If we ask what's wrong and you say "nothing," we
> will act like nothing's wrong. We know you're lying,
> but it's just not worth the hassle.
>
> P.S. What the hell is a doily?
>
>
>
>

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