SYNTHETIC OIL...
Beware of synthetic oil, it can do terrible things to you and your beloved
motorcycle. It will not only leak out of your engine faster than you can put
it in, but it will also cause your oil filter to clog and implode, dumping
debris and dirt into your lubrication system. It also will make every part
of your bike permanently slippery because of its linear molecular chain
dispersion action. Then it will leak onto your kickstand causing it to
retract automatically, dropping your bike on the ground! But that's not
all...
Synthetic oil will round off your gears and spin your bearings. It will also
splatter onto your seat causing your girlfriend to fall off in the apex of a
turn and she'll never ride with you again. Synthetic oil coats Your sight
window and your timing window with a whitish pro-emulsification additive
that is both non-removable and highly corrosive. Synthetic oil will
completely leak onto the ground overnight and your dog will drink it and
die. Synthetic oil will wear out your tires and make your battery leak. It
will give you the desperate need to urinate after you put your full leathers
on and then jam your zippers shut.
It will contaminate your petrol causing your bike to stall on railway tracks
and accelerate uncontrollably near police cars. It will make it rain during
rallies and on weekends. It will lubricate four timing belts causing them to
jump teeth and break your valves to bits. Synthetic oil chemically weakens
desmodromic valves and causes the clearances to change every six miles. Then
it melts the black soles of your riding boots night before you walk across
your new carpeting.
While riding past groups of attractive women it will cause both of your
handlebar grips to slip off at the same time so you smash your windscreen
with the bridge of your nose. It also causes your swingarm to crack, your
studs to break, and your rotors to warp, and then it voids your warranty by
changing your odometer reading to 55,555. It also dries out your wet clutch
and wets your dry clutch. It makes your clutch slave cylinder seal fail in
the heaviest traffic on the hottest day of the year while putting an angry
wasp in your helmet for good measure. Synthetic oil hides your 13mm socket
and puts superglue on your earplugs. Synthetic oil will scratch your face
shield and make your gloves shrink two sizes night before track day.
Synthetic oil stole your neutral and sold it to the Chinese for ?1.25.
Synthetic oil will make you grow a tail.
Synthetic oil will write long crazy e-mails to your Internet friends and
then sign your name at the bottom.
The Made In England site is now back up and running. Find it at
http://amazer.amaze.net.au/~we/mie/index.htm
This archive was generated by hypermail 2b29 : Fri Jun 20 2003 - 12:02:27 EDT