I ran into this on the net, thought I'd share.
I don't know if it's true.
Human Projectile of the Month
Top honors for "Human Projectile Of The Month" go to an as-yet unidentified
dude who, we're told, is also a serious contender for the annual Darwin
Award. That prestigious prize is given- posthumously- to the person who does
the human gene pool the greatest service by removing himself from it in the
most extraordinarily stupid fashion. Well, the Darwin folks might see it
that way, but we consider it a gallant if not brainless form of ballistic
research.
Troopers from the Arizona Highway Patrol got onto this historic event after
motorists reported some mysterious scorched and blackened scars on a stretch
of deserted highway. The more officers found, the stranger the case got,
until they pulled back, regrouped, and launched a full-scale investigation.
Here's what they kinda "pieced" together: JATO units are basically huge
canisters of solid rocket fuel used to achieve "Jet Assisted Take Off,"
typically lifting big transports into the air from rough-ground, short
runways, or shooting overloaded planes from the decks of aircraft carriers.
They were not, repeat not, designed to augment the inherent boost factor of
a 1967 Chevy Impala. But we guess- let's call him "Zippy"- didn't know that
when he hooked one up to his ride.
Ol' Zip apparently chose his runway carefully, selecting a nice long, lonely
piece of straight-as-string highway in good repair. Not guessing he might
need a bit more than five miles of zoom surface, Zippy's test track had,
that far down the strip, a gentle rise on a sloping turn.
Anyways, the Zipster kicked the tire, lit the fire, and ran his Chevy up to
top cruising speed. And then he hit ignition!
Investigators know exactly where this happened, judging from the extended
patch of burned and melted asphalt. The pocket-calculator boys figure Zip
reached maximum thrust within five seconds, punching that Chevy up to "well
in excess of 350 mph" and continuing at "full burn" for another 20 to 25
seconds.
Early in that little sprint, at roughly the 2.5 mile mark, the Human
Hydra-Shok stood on the brakes, melting them completely, blowing the tires
and rapidly reducing all four 'skins to liquefied trails on the pavement.
Remember that gentle rise on the turn? That's where Zippy concluded his
land-speed record attempt and went for aerial honors, ultimately reaching an
altitude of 125 feet and still climbing when his flight was abruptly
terminated. We'll never know how far and how high The Big Zip might have
gone. A cliff face of solid rock kind of got in the way, posing a serious
violation of the laws of physics vis a vis two chunks of matter attempting
to occupy the same space at the same time. Zip gave it hell though, blasting
a three-foot deep crater in the terra-very-firma.
The best modern forensic science could do was ID the car's make, model, and
year. As for Zip, only trace evidence was found of bone, teeth and hair in
the crater, and splinters of fingernail embedded in what is believed to be a
piece of steering wheel. If there ain't room for this one in the Guinness
Book of World Records, there damn sure ought to be an honorable mention in
Weatherby's.
Bill Pruitt
'01 QC 4.7, Auto, Flo-Pro exhaust, K & N Homebrew 3" Air Intake
Downey SST Tarp, Viper Alarm, RhinoLiner
"Tail-Gate Open" warning light
http://web.tampabay.rr.com/billspages/
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