I know this is off subject, but, I think y'all get a good chuckle out of
this one. This one has been forwarded several times and I have snipped
the forwarding info to save bandwidth. :)
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Subject: MORON OF THE YEAR!!!!!!!!!
Submitted by Mark Huffstetter (Engineer, KING 5 TV Seattle). You all
know about the Darwin Awards - It's an annual honor given to the
person who did the gene pool the biggest service by killing themselves
in the most extraordinarily stupid way. Last year's winner was the
fellow who was killed by a Coke machine] which toppled over on top of
him as he was attempting to tip a free soda out of it.
And this year's nominee is:
The Arizona Highway Patrol came upon a pile of smoldering metal
embedded into the side of a cliff rising above the road at the apex of
a curve. The wreckage resembled the site of an airplane crash, but it
was a car. The type of car was unidentifiable at the scene. The lab
finally figured out what it was and what had happened.
It seems that a guy had somehow gotten hold of a JATO unit (Jet
Assisted Take Off - actually a solid fuel rocket) that is used to give
heavy military transport planes an extra "push" for taking off from
short airfields. He had driven his Chevy Impala out into the desert
and found a long, straight stretch of road. Then he attached the JATO
unit to his car, jumped in, got up some speed and fired off the JATO!
The facts as best as could be determined are that the operator of the
1967 Impala hit the JATO ignition at a distance of approximately 3.0
miles from the crash site. This was established by the prominent
scorched and melted asphalt at that location.
The JATO, if operating properly, would have reached maximum thrust
within 5 seconds, causing the Chevy to reach speeds well in excess of
350 mph and continuing at full power for an additional 20-25 seconds.
The driver, soon to be pilot, most likely would have experienced
G-forces usually reserved for dog-fighting F-14 jocks under full
afterburners, basically causing him to become insignificant for the
remainder of the event. However, the automobile remained on the
straight highway for about 2.5 miles (15-20 seconds) before the driver
applied and completely melted the brakes, blowing the tires and
leaving thick rubber marks on the road surface, then becoming airborne
for an additional 1.4 miles and impacting the cliff face at a height
of 125 feet leaving a blackened crater 3 feet deep in the rock.
Most of the driver's remains were not recoverable; however, small
fragments of bone, teeth and hair were extracted from the crater and
fingernail and bone shards were removed from a piece of debris
believed to be a portion of the steering wheel.
Epilog:
- ---------
It has been calculated that this moron nearly reached Mach I,
attaining a ground-speed of approximately 420 mph.
-- ------------------------------------------------ Justin Bouillet justin@proxy-sys.com Proxy Systems Ltd. www.proxy-sys.com
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