Jason & Norah wrote:
>
> Hi Everyone,
>
> I just got this from Jason dad yesterday and I thought I should pass it on.
> It's quite good.
>
> Enjoy!
>
> For all of you who occasionally have a really bad day when
> you just need to take it out on someone!!! Don't take that bad day
> out on someone you know, take it out on someone you DON'T know!!!
>
> Now get this. I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered a phone
> call I had to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered
> nicely saying, "Hello?"
> I politely said, "This is Patrick Hanifin and could I please speak to
> Robin Carter?"
> Suddenly the phone was slammed down on me! I couldn't believe that
> anyone could be that rude. I tracked down Robin's correct number and
> called her. She had transposed the last two digits incorrectly.
> After I hung up with Robin, I spotted the wrong number still lying
> there on my desk. I decided to call it again.
> When the same person once more answered, I yelled "You're a jackass!"
> and hung up.
> Next to his phone number I wrote the word "jackass," and put it in my
> desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills, or had
> a really bad day, I'd call him up.
> He'd answer, and I'd yell, "You're a jackass!" It would always cheer
> me up.
> Later in the year the phone company introduced caller ID. This was a
> real disappointment for me, I would have to stop calling the jackass.
> Then one day I had an idea. I dialed his number, then heard his
> voice, "Hello."
> I made up a name. "Hi. This is the sales office of the telephone
> company and I'm just calling to see if you're familiar with our
> caller ID program?"
> He went, "No!" and slammed the phone down. I quickly called him back
> and said, "That's because you're a jackass!"
> The reason I took the time to tell you this story, is to show you how
> if there's ever anything really bothering you, you can do something
> about it. Just dial 823-4863.
> [Keep reading, it gets better.!]
>
> The old lady at the mall really took her time pulling out of the
> parking space. I didn't think she was ever going to leave. Finally,
> her car began to move and she started to very slowly back out of the
> slot.
> I backed up a little more to give her plenty of room to pull out.
> Great, I thought, she's finally leaving. All of a sudden this black
> Camaro come flying up the parking aisle in the wrong direction and
> pulls into her space.
> I started honking my horn and yelling, "You can't just do that, Buddy.
> I was here first!"
> The guy climbed out of his Camaro completely ignoring me. He walked
> toward the mall as if he didn't even hear me.
> I thought to myself, this guy's a jackass, there sure a lot of
> jackasses in this world. I noticed he had a "For Sale" sign in the
> back window of his car. I wrote down the number. Then I hunted for
> another place to park.
> A couple of days later, I'm at home sitting at my desk. I had just
> gotten off the phone after calling 823-4863 and yelling, "You're
> a jackass!" (It's really easy to call him now since I have his number
> on speed dial.)
> I noticed the phone number of the guy with the black Camaro lying on
> my desk and thought I'd better call this guy, too. After a couple
> rings someone answered the phone and said, "Hello." I said, "Is this
> the man with the black Camaro for sale?"
> "Yes, it is."
> "Can you tell me where I can see it?"
> "Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th street. It's a yellow house and the
> car's parked right out front."
> I said, "What's your name?"
> "My name is Don Hansen."
> "When's a good time to catch you, Don?"
> "I'm home in the evenings."
> "Listen Don, can I tell you something?" "Yes,"
> "Don, you're a jackass!" And I slammed the phone down. After I hung
> up I added Don Hansen's number to my speed
> dialer. For a while things seemed to be going better for me. Now when
> I had a problem I had two jackasses to call. Then, after several
> months of calling the jackasses and hanging up on them, it just
> wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be.
> I gave the problem some serious thought and came up with a solution:
>
> First, I had my phone dial Jackass #1. A man answered nicely
> saying,"Hello."
>
> I yelled "You're a jackass!", but I didn't hang up. The jackass said,
> "Are you still there?"
> I said, "Yeah."
> He said, "Stop calling me."
> I said, "No."
> He said, "What's your name, Pal?"
> I said, "Don Hansen."
> He said "Where do you live?"
> "1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house and my black Camaro's
> parked out front."
> "I'm coming over right now, Don. You'd better start saying your
> prayers."
> "Yeah, like I'm really scared, Jackass!" and I hung up. Then I called
> Jackass #2.
> He answered, "Hello."
> I said, "Hello, Jackass!"
> He said, "If I ever find out who you are..." "You'll what?"
> "I'll kick your butt."
> "Well, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now Jackass!" And
> I hung up.
> Then I picked up the phone and called the police. I told them I was
> at 1802 West 34th Street and that I was going to kill my gay lover as
> soon as he got home.
> Another quick call to Channel 13 about the gang war going on down W.
> 34th Street.
> After that I climbed into my car and headed over to 34th Street to
> watch the whole thing.
> Glorious!
> Watching two Jackasses kicking the crap out of each other in front of
> 6 squad cars and a police helicopter was one of the greatest
> experiences of my life!
> Name withheld to protect the guilty.
>
> Norah
>
> LIFE: an invariably fatal condition transmitted by
> sexual contact.
Norah, Thanks for the funny, It was very wellcome after the shit day
I've had. Bob
This archive was generated by hypermail 2b29 : Fri Jun 20 2003 - 12:10:41 EDT