The Top 15 Excuses Given by Firestone
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2000 by Chris White ]
15> Thought Ralph Nader was too busy being Mr. Thinks-He-Can-Be-
President to notice.
14> Traditional wear-and-tear tests were replaced with "roll
Beavis and Butthead down the hill" test.
13> "Those tires were designed to be inflated only with
Cheez Whiz!"
12> "Years of working for Nike has softened up the third world
labor force. You just can't get nine-year-olds to listen
these days, can you?"
11> Handwritten order misinterpreted as "tree swing" tires, not
"driving" tires.
10> "Marketing told us that exploding tires were a HUGE hit
in the key '9 to 13 year old male' demographic."
9> "We shouldn't have gone with that cheap air from Taiwan.
Our bad."
8> "It was a sincere but misguided effort to recreate for
everyday commuters the fiery excitement of NASCAR crashes."
7> "Look! Over there! OPEC is raising fuel prices again!!"
6> "No, over THERE!! Somebody just put something in that bottle
of Tylenol!!!"
5> "Okay, so we made some shoddy tires! At least we're not
selling heroin to school children like some blimp-driving
bastards we know."
4> That batch of tires were mistakenly "ribbed for her pleasure."
3> "'Operation Philip Morris' was proceeding nicely, but we
accidentally started killing customers before the lobbyists
were in place."
2> April 2, 1998: Firestone's CEO cut off by a Ford Explorer
on the way to work.
and Topfive.com's Number 1 Excuse Given by Firestone...
1> Too busy developing new "fragile porcelain brakepads"
to notice.
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