-----Original Message-----
From: owner-neon@iastate.edu [mailto:owner-neon@iastate.edu]On Behalf Of
phoenix
Sent: Saturday, May 19, 2001 4:38 AM
To: neon@iastate.edu
Subject: neon Fuel economy...
From: "John M. Fleck" <shelbyz@wans.net>
> But then this isn't a political party forum....or is it
> Nate & A.J.? (Just kidding!)
*laughs* Not at all. I'm not running for office (as the room quietly
whispers "amen,") so it's of no consequence...
But then again, what if I /were/ President. No, wait, what if I were
Maximum Leader!
Taking a page from the folks at autoextremist.com, let me issue a few points
from The Phoenix's Motorist Manifesto:
-- Any car with a wing affixed to the rear that is so huge that it impedes
the driver's vision, shall be sent to the crusher at the owner's expense.
First offenders may plead for leniency, and have it granted on the promise
that any and all "Type R" stickers be removed from their vehicles unless it
actually came from the factory with them.
-- Anyone who fails to yield when it's really necessary to yield will be
pulled over, yanked from the car, and forced to to 100 push-ups. Naked.
By the side of the road. I'm saving the real firepower for more grievous
(or annoying) offenses, you see...
-- No exhaust tip shall exceed the circumference of its corresponding
exhaust pipe by a factor of more than 1.8:1 This should effectively deal
with some of those "fart tips" that give me such a headache on my way to
work in the morning.
-- Speed doesn't kill, DIFFERENTIAL speed kills. Slower traffic stays to
the right, period.
-- The age at which you may obtain a license shall be 15, but you may only
drive a 1973 Plymouth Valiant (slant-6, manual transmission) for the first
24 months. This will teach you to respect others on the road, and also
teach you how to turn a few wrenches. If you can't fix it, don't drive it.
-- If police encounter an "illegal" drag racing scene where the kids are
engaging in races on an otherwise-unused stretch of road at night, no
harassing will be allowed. Instead, police shall be granted the authority
to close off either end of the road to ensure that any stray traffic is
effectively detoured around the impromptu scene. This is necessary, as
street racing predates any organized sanctioning body, and will continue for
as long as anyone says "mine is faster than yours." Cops may confiscate
alcohol from any drivers, of course, but leave the onlookers alone. It's
all good fun, after all.
-- Gasoline taxes shall remain consistent with their historical rates,
which is to say that no "emergency 5-cent" tax increases may be raised by
Congress. This is foolishness, and we've all borne the weight of it too
often. Further, any money raised by fuel taxes shall be used ONLY for
road-and-highway related purposes. No dipping into the transportation fund
to pay for Social Security, after Social Security gets plundered to pay for
Star Wars Missle Defense, and so on.
-- The DOT and/or NHTSA shall never-- EVER-- investigate any foolishness
such as phantom sudden acceleration in Audis, Jeeps that tip over when you
cut the wheel full hard at 75 MPH, and other stupid things. Off-road
vehicles are meant to be driven off-road, and while a Jeep Wrangler or Land
Rover or Hummer may exhibit half decent manners on the street, these are not
"status" trucks. They're billy-goats that should be driven where they're
meant to be driven-- which is to say "damn near anywhere BUT pavement."
-- Strobe lights do not belong on ANY vehicle. Not a ricebucket, not a
police cruiser, not an ambulance. These lights cause siezures in
epileptics, and have no purpose on the road. If the old "twirling" lights
aren't good enough, get a louder siren. Enough of this crap.
-- Seat belts: anyone who doesn't think seat belts are important shall
spend a Saturday night in an E.R, and observe the difference between crash
victims who were strapped in, and those who were not. It's plain to see,
common sense, folks.
-- If you get caught drunk behind the wheel, your license is gone for 5
years. No mess, no fuss, no appeal, ride the bus.
-- Blue headlights? What's wrong with WHITE? We've got enough to deal
with, without a rainbow of colors coming from dangerously poor quality
headlights. HID technology is working its way down the food chain, and
there's no faking it. In the meantime, regular halogens still work quite
well. Can it with the "HyPeR BlUe" stuff.
-- Recognizing that traffic is a perpetually-increasing problem in nearly
every part of the country, businesses will be given targeted tax breaks for
staggering employees' shifts, to thereby decrease peak traffic loads. If we
can get just 20% (only 1 in 5) workers moving an hour earlier or an hour
later, it'll help. This, combined with incentives to encourage other
alternatives (carpooling/ride-sharing, public transit, etc) will help to
make a dent in this crisis. We're wasting too much fuel and too much time
sitting in traffic.
-- If you drive a 12 MPG Sport-Ute, shut up about gas prices. You helped
put 'em where they are.
that's about it for now, it's been a good night...
cheers,
A.J.
--******************************************************** ** A.J. Morning / (founder) Capitol Area Neon Owners ** Bright White 1996 Dodge Neon ** 4 doors 5-speeds One Cam RC9YC Pirelli P600 KYB GR-2 ** NE#104 Mobil 1 ACR springs DOHC pipe Pilots MLS HG ** and 88,000 miles of whup-ass... ********************************************************
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