LOL!
Haha, that's great...
Later,
Jon
jonsdak@midmaine.com
The Dodge Diesel Website
http://www.dieseldodge.com
1996 Dodge Dakota Sport 4X4, 3.9L V6, 42RE, 3.92:1 8.75 axle, "BackRack"
Headache Rack, Dodge Motorsports decals, steering wheel cover, and front
license plate, diamond-plate bedrail covers, Lund VentVisors, Lund BugShield
----- Original Message -----
> Date: Thu, 24 Jan 2002 17:06:30 -0600
> From: Tom Slick North <prodog@swbell.net>
> Subject: DML: You know you are a RACER when...
>
> You know you are a RACER when...
>
> - -- You think the primary purpose of wings is to PREVENT flight.
> - -- You take your helmet along when you go to buy new eyeglasses or check
out
> cars (seats).
> - -- You refer to the corner down the street from your house as "Turn
One."
> - -- You feel compelled on a road trip to beat your previous best time.
> (Bernd, shut up.)
> - -- You are happiest when your street car's tires are worn to "racing
depth".
> - -- When something falls off of your car, you wonder how much weight you
just
> saved.
> - -- When you hear 'overcooked it', instead of food you think 'off the
track'.
> - -- You change engine oil every other week.
> - -- You sometimes hear little noises from your passengers when you get on
the
> throttle right after turning in.
> - -- You thoroughly enjoy showing the tailgater behind how to drive around
a
> highway off-ramp.
> - -- Your racing budget is one of the big three - mortgage, car
> payments/maintenance, dating.
> - -- Your email address refers to your race car rather than to you.
> - -- You walk "proper lines" through the grocery store.
> - -- You've paid $4.00 a gallon for gas without complaining. (he he he, I
> won't mention names!)
> - -- You buy new parts because you don't know where you put the spares.
> - -- You bought a race car before buying a house.
> - -- You bought a race car before buying furniture for the new house.
> - -- You're looking for a tow vehicle and still haven't bought furniture!
> - -- You find that you need a new house because you've outgrown your
garage
> and the neighbors are threatening violence if you park one more vehicle on
> the street or in the front yard.
> - -- The requirements you give your real estate agent are (in order of
> importance):
> 1) 8-car climate controlled garage with an attached shop.
> 2) Outside parking for 6 cars, a motorhome, a crew cab dualie, a 28'
> enclosed
> trailer and a 34' 5th wheel.
> 3) 3 phase 220V outlets in the garage for your welder. (and industrial
> size air tank!)
> 4) A grease pit.
> 5) Conveniently close to a hazardous waste disposal site.
> 6) Deaf neighbors.
> 7) Across the street from a paint and body shop.
> 8) Some sort of house with a working toilet and shower on the property
> somewhere or hookups for the motorhome.
>
> - -- You measure all family acquisitions in terms of the number of race
tires
> that could have been purchased.
> - -- You know well that orthodontic work is the equivalent of three sets
of
> tires.
> - -- You sit in your race car in a dark garage and make car noises and
shift
> and practice your heel and toe, while waiting for your motor to get back
> from the machine shop. (I'm not saying a word!)
> - -- You look at the purchase of tools as a long term investment.
> - -- Your wife says, "If you buy another set of tires, I'm getting a new
> mink."
> - -- Your garage holds more cars than your house has bedrooms.
> - -- You have enough spare parts to build another car.
> - -- More than one racer supply house recognizes your voice and greets you
by
> name when you call.
> - -- You have car parts in your cubicle at work.
> - -- You think the last line of the Star Spangled Banner is: "Racers,
start
> your engines!"
> - -- If you can't remember when you last worked on weekdays and rested on
> weekends.
> - -- You're registered for wedding gifts at Pegasus and Racer Wholesale.
> - -- Your Christmas list begins with "another set of Toyo RA1's" and
aluminum
> rods (and your 'significant other' knows what these are).
> - -- After your answer to "What did you do this weekend?" the next
question is
> always: "And you do this for fun? Right?"
> - -- You have a separate drawer for 'garage clothes'.
> - -- Your reading material in your bathroom consists of auto parts and
racing
> supply catalogs, several books written by famous drivers, every book
Carroll
> Smith has ever written and 400 car magazines, none of which have
> centerfolds.
> - -- People know you by your class letter, car number, and car color.
> - -- People know you by your "off"s". "Oh, you're the one stuck in the mud
at
> ButtonBog last weekend!"
> - -- Your first date involves asking her to crew for you.
> - -- Your criteria for selecting a significant other include auto repair
> skills. Air tools optional.
> - -- Your friends don't recognize you without a helmet and driver's suit.
> - -- Your family remembers your hair color as "grease".
> - -- You plan your wedding around the race schedule.
> - -- You astound the clerk at Sears by bringing in a snapped breaker bar
every
> other week or so.
> - -- You remember the dates and details of every race you've ever been in,
but
> can't remember your phone number.
> - -- Your family brings the couch into the garage so they can spend some
time
> with you.
> - -- You complain when cars in front of you on highway off-ramps don't
stay on
> the line, causing your exit speed to drop.
> - -- A neighbor asks if you have any oil, to which you query, "Synthetic
or
> organic?" and they reply, "Vegetable or corn."
> - -- You give out Automotive Engineering's number when a friend asks for
the
> best hardware store.
> - -- You look at the fire hydrant at that corner and see an apex marker.
> - -- You enjoy driving in the rain on the way to work or school. (oh
yeah!!!)
> - -- You always late apex the intersection and try to pass a few cars
coming
> out.
> - -- Everywhere you go, you try to find the fastest line through the turn.
> - -- You always do a toe & heel downshift while your passenger gives you a
> real funny look.
> - -- You can't stand anyone telling others how to drive. Of course, you
are
> the best.
> - -- You can't stand understeer.
> - -- You always want to change something in your street car to make it
handle
> better. (Isn't that all of us???????)
> - -- You will gladly pay up to $8 for a quart of engine oil. (you betcha!)
> - -- You hate long distance drives to visit relatives, or to go on
vacation,
> but you will gladly drive 800 miles to the race track.
> - -- You think that traction control and ABS are for those who can't
drive.
> - -- You've ever tried to convince your wife you needed that flow bench to
fix
> the air filter on her van.
> - -- You save broken car parts as "mementos".
> - -- Your last several freeway forays included just brushing the curbs as
you
> apexed the on-ramps perfectly.
> - -- You've found your lawn mower runs pretty good on 108 octane gas (but
> doesn't care for alcohol). (or go-cart... Ahem....Bernd!)
> - -- The local tire shop won't honor the tread life warranty on any car
you
> have been within 50 yards of.
> - -- The shop manager at your local car dealer mutters "dear Lord" under
his
> breath after he sees the size of your exhaust system.
> - -- The local police and state Highway Patrol have a picture of your car
> taped to their dashboard. (No comment.)
> - -- You spend more time polishing your exhaust tips every day than you do
> bathing.
> - -- Instead of pictures in your wallet, you have qualifying times.
(Guilty!)
> - -- You would choose a roll bar over air conditioning if it were an
option.
> - -- You enjoy driving through wet, empty parking lots and using the
emergency
> brake to kick the back end out.
> - -- White smoke coming out from under your tires is a common sight. :-)
> - -- You consider the redline a "conservative suggestion" and the rev
limiter
> "a fun limiter." (Ain't that the truth!)
> - -- You spend more on insurance premiums than on food.
> - -- Your idea of a good time is sitting around figuring out gear ratios
and
> the ideal final drive ratio for given situations.
> - -- When someone refers to "The Good Book", you think of "Prepared to
Win."
> - -- When someone asks where you went to school, you reply, "Skip Barber".
> - -- You have racing shops programmed on your speed dialer. (just
> SpeedTweaks!)
> - -- You own five cars and only one of them is street legal. (true, but I
only
> have 3.)
> - -- You know the 1/4 mile times and skid pad numbers of your riding
mower(or
> go-cart) and want to improve them.
> - -- You've embarrassed your significant other at least once by insisting
> onwearing your full face helmet while driving.
> - -- You know the "racing line" of every turn in your daily commute,
> includingyour alternate routes, and practice hitting them every day.
> - -- You quote your street tire wear life in weeks rather than miles.
> - -- You regularly live test your rev limiter on that straight that's a
little
> too long for 2nd but not worth going into 3rd for.
> - -- You've started looking for sponsors for your daily commute.
> - -- You've slalomed in a construction zone, and counted your penalty time
in
> the rearview afterwards.
> - -- After you tell your wife where you'd like to go on your vacation she
> answers: "Why... is there a race there?"
>
> Tom "Slick" North
> 96 Dodge Dakota 5.2L RC
> 71 Chevelle Malibu 350
> 71 Porsche 914/2.0L
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