LMAO!! that's too funny!
I'll start mounting the gun turret in the box of my truck :)
-- Canuck -------------------------------------------- Y2K, 4.7L, 2wd, 5spd, The Ultimate K&N HomeBrew, Flowmaster CatBack, Home Ported TB, Electric fan conversion, 180 therm., Redline synth., IAT adjuster, HO Cams, HO Intake http://www.twistedbits.net/WWWProfile/dakota/Vyikam1jjgNN6"Bob Tom" <tigers@bserv.com> wrote in message news:5.0.2.1.0.20021128220946.009ee0b0@bserv.com... > > "We shall fight on the beaches. We shall fight on the landing grounds. > We shall fight in the fields, and in the streets, we shall fight in the > hills. > We shall never surrender!" > - Winston Churchill, 1940. > > My fellow Canadians, the time has come to defend our home and native land. > Put down your Tim Horton's double double and pick up your hockey and > lacrosse sticks, the Yanks are coming! > > It appears we crossed the line with our neighbours to the south when an aide > to Prime Minister Jean Chretien referred to America's big cheese, George W. > Bush, > as a moron. > > The remark has sent Americans into such a tizzy some are now dusting off their > atlases to find out where Canada is located. > > We've been the topic du jour on U.S. cable news channels, which is about as > rare > as an Osama bin Laden sighting. > > Earlier this week, Robert Novak, co-host of the CNN political show > Crossfire, said: > "We may be able to trust the Saudis, but can we trust our shifty neighbours to > the north?" > > Novak also referred to Canada as a "country of weenies." > Now them's fightin' words, eh? > > The imminent battle should come as little surprise. The Moron Affair is > just another > incident in a long list of events that have put our two countries on the > brink of war. > > Consider the facts: > > We stole their coveted World Series trophy for a couple of years, and gave them > Celine Dion (that alone should be reason enough for an invasion); > > We kicked their butts in both men's and women's hockey at the Salt Lake City > Winter Olympics; > > They refused to buy potatoes from our farmers in Prince Edward Island and > slapped > hefty tariffs on Canadian softwood lumber companies exporting their goods > across > the border; > > They pilfered the Quebec Nordiques and Winnipeg Jets. And you know they're > salivating at the opportunity to get their hands on the Edmonton Oilers and > Calgary Flames; > > Rumour has it that the Bush administration is working on a United Nations > resolution > that would see NHL weapons inspectors come to Canada and rid the country of > hockey sticks with illegal blades. > > Also consider the similarities between Canada and Iraq, currently No. 1 on > the U.S. hit list. > > Both countries have leaders who've been accused of controlling their members of > parliament; both nations produce oil; and like the Toronto Maple Leafs, the > Baghdad Oilers of the Persian Gulf Soccer League have not won a championship > since 1967. > > Perhaps most striking is the two countries' penchant for invading smaller, > helpless > states. For Iraq, it was Kuwait. For Canada, it's Florida every winter. > > How do we protect ourselves against an invasion from the world's Super Power? > > We can't rely on our under-funded, over-worked military to prevail in this > battle. > This war will be won with a little Canadian ingenuity. > > The first move will be to evacuate our famous sons and daughters now dwelling > in enemy territory. > > The list will include Jim Carrey, Pamela Anderson, Michael J. Fox, Wayne > Gretzky, > Leslie Neilsen and Peter Jennings. Dion, the songbird from Quebec, can stay in > Las Vegas. > > Every Canadian-born hockey player now toiling for an American team will also > return to the Great White North. > > We'll enlist the guy who starred in the "I am Canadian" commercials to > deliver speeches > to rally the troops across this vast country. > > Then, we'll hit 'em where it hurts. > > We'll find a way to hijack their TV airwaves and fill them with a steady > stream of Canadian > comedies and dramas. With all the talent we've lost to the so-called brain > drain, surely > there must be some native Canuck who could pull off such a feat. > > Picture it: An American sits down in front of his beloved boob tube > prepared to watch > Survivor; instead all he gets are reruns of David Suzuki's Nature of Things. > > We will substitute the hit drama Boston Public with Degrassi Junior High; > Beachcombers will replace Friends; and Mike Bullard will take over the time > slot > normally reserved for David Letterman and Jay Leno. > > On Sundays, we will replace their beloved National Football League games with > classic CFL matches. All weather forecasts will be from Winnipeg in February. > > To seal the victory, we will make them watch the CBC epic > Canada: A People's History, followed by the Trudeau mini-series. > > They'll be screaming fuddle duddle while running for cover. The last thing > they will want to do is invade us. Victory will be ours. > > I call on every Canadian Dakota owner to convoy his Dakota and pet beaver > (Sic 'em!) to the nearest border crossing and help seal our borders! Let's > make > the first move while they're still stuff with turkey! > > P.S. Click here to subscribe to my new newsletter. > > Bob (Just thought things were a little slow :-) ) >
This archive was generated by hypermail 2b29 : Fri Feb 06 2004 - 11:47:29 EST