Still think synthetic oils are safe? Read on...
Beware of synthetic oil; it can do terrible things to you and your beloved
motorcycle. It will not only leak out of your engine faster than you can put
it in, but it will also cause your oil filter to clog and implode, dumping
debris and dirt into your lubrication system. It also will make every part
of your bike permanently slippery because of its linear molecular chain
dispersion action. Then it will leak onto your kick stand causing it to
retract automatically, dropping your bike on the ground!
But that's not all...
Synthetic oil will round off your gears and spin your bearings. It will
also splatter onto your seat causing your girlfriend to fall off in the apex
of a turn and she'll never ride with you again. Synthetic oil coats Your
sight window and your timing window with a whitish pro emulsification
additive that is both non removable and highly corrosive. Synthetic oil will
completely leak onto the ground overnight and your dog will drink it and
die. Synthetic oil will wear out your tires and make your battery leak. It
will give you the desperate need to urinate after you put your full leathers
on and then jam your zippers shut.
It will contaminate your gasoline, causing your bike to stall on railroad
tracks and accelerate uncontrollably near police cars. It will make it rain
during rallies and on weekends. It will lubricate your timing belts, causing
them to jump teeth and break your valves to bits. Synthetic oil chemically
weakens desmodronic valves and causes the clearances to change every six
miles. Then it melts the black soles of your riding boots the night before
you walk across your new carpeting.
While riding past groups of attractive women, it will cause both of your
handlebar grips to slip off at the same time so you smash your windscreen
with the bridge of your nose. It also causes your swing arm to crack, your
studs to break, and your rotors to warp, and then it voids your warranty by
changing your odometer reading to 55,555. It also dries out your wet clutch
and wets your dry clutch. It makes your clutch slave cylinder seal fail in
the heaviest traffic on the hottest day of the year, while putting an angry
wasp in your helmet for good measure. Synthetic oil hides your 13 mm socket
and puts super glue on your earplugs. Synthetic oil will scratch your face
shield and make your gloves shrink two sizes night before track day.
Synthetic oil stole your neutral and sold it to the Chinese for $1.25.
Synthetic oil will make you grow a tail. Synthetic oil will write long crazy
e-mail to your Internet friends and then sign your name at the bottom.
This archive was generated by hypermail 2b29 : Fri Feb 06 2004 - 11:47:00 EST