1. Your version of a slinky negligee is a sweatsuit with short sleeves.
2. The word "Code" is now an unwelcome four-letter word in your
vocabulary.
3. When family emergencies are classified as: Code 1 - Not urgent but
needs attention; Code 2 - Urgent and needs your attention now; Code 3 -
Urgent and needs your attention ASAP.
4. When SOB now means Shortness Of Breath, and not necessarily how you
feel about a person.
5. When you stop looking at clothing for fashion, and look at it for
function and durability.
6. When your spouse has his or her hands on you, and the reason is
practicing Patient Assessment, and not passion.
7. When you're on duty, and your only child doesn't recognize your voice
on the phone.
8. When you're on duty, and go home, your own dog won't let you into the
family house, because it no longer recognizes you.
9. When members of the opposite sex are on the same vehicle in various
states of half-dress, and nobody notices enough to mention it, or be
embarrassed.
10. When the word "tone" doesn't refer to color, but that sound that
sends your entire body into overdrive.
11. When the colors red, white and blue bring to mind accident scenes,
and then the American Flag.
12. When "latex" no longer immediately brings to mind safe sex, but the
gloves you wear.
13. When it takes you longer to set up your gear and get into the
shower, than it does to actually take the shower.
14. When you take time off, you're more nervous than when you're "on
duty."
15. When every time you're a passenger in a POV, you call out, "Clear to
the right!" at every intersection.
16. When "PEARL" isn't something you wear around your neck, but is
something you pray you'll see in your patient's eyes.
17. When it becomes normal to drop your fork and run out on family
meals, get togethers, and company ... and those left in your wake
understand and continue, as this is perfectly normal behavior among
civilized people.
18. When family pets clear a path when they hear the tones go off, so
they won't get mowed over, then greet you when you come home, forgiving
you for doing just that.
19. When you are asleep, and dream the tones are going off, and you wake
up heading for the bedroom door in a full run, shoes on, radio in hand,
and you don't even recall getting out of bed.
20. When "TIME" means how long it took you to reach your patient's home
instead of what hour of the day it is.
21. When "RHYTHM" is a designation of heart function, and no longer a
birth control method.
22. When matters of the heart refer to CPR, not romance.
23. When "VENTILATE" means breathing for your patient, and not opening
doors and windows.
24. When caffeine becomes a SEDATIVE.
25. When you shake a person's hand, and your first thought is "Great
veins!"
26. When joules (pronounced "jewels") are not diamonds and emeralds, but
the power rate on a Defibrillator unit.
27. When "Circling the Drain" has nothing to do with water emptying from
your bathtub or sink.
28. When sticks aren't what fall from trees and litter your lawn, but
what you do to a patient's veins.
29. When hairline refers to a fracture, and not a concern for your
barber.
30. When reflective tape becomes a fashion plus.
31. When artifact is something you see on a Defibrillator unit, and not
an antique you find in a museum.
32. When a motionless and silent child is no longer a desired sight.
33. When a male purchases sanitary napkins, not for his wife, but for
pressure dressings on his patients.
34. When MAST refers to anti-shock pants, and not something that
attaches the sails to your boat...which you no longer have time for
anyway.
35. When a "FIB" was bad to tell your mom, and now it's a bad rhythm for
your patient.
36. When you no longer watch sporting events to see the scores, but to
see how the EMS people on-scene handle the trauma cases.
37. When you realize just what is meant by "There is no sex in
EMS"...and so does your significant other.
38. When "P.O." no longer necessarily means you are angry at something.
39. When A&P isn't a grocery store's name anymore, but is Anatomy and
Physiology to you.
40. When "RADIAL" is where your patient's pulse is located, not what
type tires are on your vehicle.
41. When the "best funny line" expression about how cold your hands are
finally results in one of your patients asking you, "And just how did
you find out how cold a bullfrog's butt is???"
42. When the majority of your patients are no longer your parent's age,
but are your own children's age.
43. When you notice that your worst "Pre-EMS bad hair day" isn't even
close to your very best "EMS hair day"...and neither you nor your
partner mentions it or are embarrassed by it anymore.
44. When you are traveling down the road in your car and reach a person
on the cell phone and the first word out of your mouth tend to be, "We
are presently enroute to your facility with..."
45. You can finish a seven-course dinner before anyone else has touched
their salad.
46. You sleep fully dressed at home, just because you like to.
47. The phone at home rings, and you put your shoes on.
48. You have a pet name for your cardiac monitor.
49. Your idea of a great dinner is one that's warm.
50. Your spouse takes you to dinner at a nice restaurant and you tell
the maitre'd that you'd like it fixed to go "just in case."
51. You can type Med Control's phone number faster than your own ...
without looking.
52. You know the patient's medical history better than they do.
53. You drive better asleep than you do awake.
54. You can eat spaghetti and meatballs while watching "The Texas
Chainsaw Massacre."
55. You wake up for a shift change and can't remember the calls you ran
last night.
56. You talk to your ambulance.
57. You no longer get upset when someone calls you an "Ambulance
Driver."
58. Your idea of a good call is one that's cancelled while you're
enroute.
59. When starting your personal vehicle, you reach for the "Battery On"
switch.
60. You buy stock in Wendy's and McDonald's just to try and get the
"shareholder's discount."
61. Your Christmas wish list only includes items from Gall's, Bound Tree
and Laerdal catalogues.
62. You refer to "Rescue 911" as "Educational Television."
63. Your spouse sleeps with their mouth open, and you see it as a great
chance to practice your intubation technique.
Greg
95 DSCC v6 5spd
Rahway NJ
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