Ok, Nate, you asked for it! Take your lunch breaks now and grab some
munchies for the story that shows how stupid i used to be!!!
(I'm trying not to do such silly things anymore.)
Ok, so this is back in July '97 when i had a 1990 Ford F-150 4x4 with 33's
and a mild lift (not sure how much) that i owned for my snowplow company.
Which by the way was called "Mr. Plow" obvious Simpsons reference. :)
So anyway there was this big ass hill on the east side of town that i had
been wheelin in a few times before by myself -- dumb. But anyway, i had
been there before and never got stuck so i figured what the heck. I had
gotten off a 15-hour shift (construction) grabbed a shower and wanted to
relieve some stress by gettin my big red rig all nice and muddy. It had not
rained in the last month except for a couple days before this. I figured
the ground would have absorbed it all and maybe left a couple nice puddles
for my amusement.
So, the way to get to this big hill is you have to jump the curb, drive
along the railroad tracks about a half-mile and turn down this dirt/gravel
road and go another half-mile and you're at the base of the hill.
I'm on the dirt/gravel road and getting close to the base of the hill, o and
did i mention i was alone? Just makin sure. So as i'm approaching the hill
the road is a little more sandy and it felt like i had an anchor just
tighten up on me. Stopped dead and sunk about a foot into this quicksand
crap. So i try her in 4lo and can't seem to go forward so i better go back
and just go home and into bed. It's about 11:30 pm right at this point.
So i have it in 4lo and i'm just creeping backwards. About 10-15 minutes of
this and i'm outta the soup and heading backwards down the road. It looks
as though the right side is a little drier so i steer to that side and
continue.
All of a sudden the front right dips down huge and i stop. Hey look at
that--it's a 4-foot ditch hidden by the weeds and cat-tails and stuff.
So i've got my front right end in the ditch and i'm thinkin what's the best
way out? If i go forward and try and steer right i thought my right rear
would get pulled in. If i go in reverse and steer left pretty much the same
thing.
Well, what if i turn the wheel all the way to the left and gun it, maybe the
wheel will pop-out!
It sounded good at the time.
So i gun it and the right front just stayed in there and the truck whipped
around and now both fron tires are in this ditch. I try and rock it, but
when i go forward, the fronts don't grab the wet sludge in the ditch, and
the rears just spin on the gravel. When i go in reverse it high-centers and
not one tire is really grabbing anything. My ropes and chains are doing me
a lot of good with no other truck and all i had in the bed was a tarp, and a
few loose rocks from a landscaping gig i had done the previous weekend. And
they were about the size of a fist so couldn't use them to stick under the
tires or anything. And the area that i'm in, there's fields on either side
of this dirt road, no trees for miles.
As i'm surveying the situation and trying to plan an escape for me and my
truck, i decide to hop across the ditch and take a look from that angle.
Again, it seemed like a good idea at the time.
BIG JUMP, didn't quite make it al the way across, and my right shoe got
yanked off my foot and is now in the ditch. Shit.
I reach in the ditch, feeling all around, my arm is submerged up to my
shoulder and still no shoe.
So now i'm feeling pretty beat down, and i still have to jump back across
the ditch. NO i didn't lose my other shoe, gimme SOME credit!!!
But i did get pretty muddy gettin back to the other side.
Now, the absolute closest person's house that i know well enough to wake up
at this time (it's 12:30 am at this point) is a former boss of mine that is
a really good guy and would understand and try to help me out.
He had a truck too, but just a 6er '85 ford, but still a truck (barely).
So the thing is, i've got one shoe on, and i've got to walk a mile back to
the road down this dirt/gravel laneway. Those stones are really sharp on
only sock-covered tootsies!!!
After much swearing and yelling, i make it to the ashphalt and continue in
relative comfort (compared to the gravel) on to my old boss's place.
I get close to his place, and look!!! a nice gravel driveway for me,
woo-hoo!!!!!!
But i walk up the driveway to the door and knock gently on the door so as to
wake up as few members of his family as possible. He opens the door and, i
kid you not, direct quote "What the F##K happened to you?!?!?" His view of
me at this point is, some idiot is knocking at his door at almost 2 o'clock
in the morning, opens it to see me with one shoe on, and muddy from the
knees down, and my whole right side covered in mud too. (The shoe recovery
plan that failed)
I explain the whole situation as his entire family wakes up and comes to
look at me and laugh. That was fun.
So he gets dressed and we head off to try and pull my truck out.
We hook everything up and he starts tuggin with my truck in reverse to add
just a bit more effort. Well, the chain didn't last too longg, i was just
glad that the link that broke didn't get shot at either of our trucks, or
us.
So we use just the tow rope which held, but my truck wasn't going anywhere.
Now it's 2:30 am. I've been awake for 20.5 hours, working outside in
mid-summer heat (90's). I'm gettin a little tired. :)
So, well, we better call the CAA (Canadian AAA).
We meet the guy at the spot where you have to hop the curb and he follows us
back to where "Big Red" is sitting, nose still stuck in the ditch.
"How did this happen again?" he says.
So i show him the tracks and where the edge of the road gave way and explain
why it's not reeeeally my fault. hehe
See, they don't have to help if you're not on a public road, and back where
we turned away from the tracks there was a "No-trespassing" sign clearly
visible. But he must have felt sorry for me and said he could do it.
So he unwinds his 10,000 winch and hooks to my right-rear frame rail where
there's a nice big hole for the hook. He walks back and i'm thinkin finally
i can go home! Cause you know, it's 3:00 now.
So he takes in the slack and the cable tightens. Except, the wrong vehicle
is moving!! His tow truck is moving towards my pickup!! He stops the winch
and shoves that bar behind the back tires to add more grip. But to no
effect. It's just getting dragged along this dirt road. It's like my truck
is stuck in a black hole for automobiles and the power of this thing is
overwhelming!!!
Well, not quite, he stopped the winch again and scratched his head and said,
'We're gonna have to call for another truck."
Wow! Now that's stuck! I'm not sure how much a tow truck weighs, but for
it to be getting dragged towards "Big Red", well, that's just pretty weird.
The driver calls another truck and he drives up and says, "Boy, how did you
get THAT stuck?"
So i show him the tracks and where the road had given away and went through
the explanantion of why it wasn't reeeeeally my fault. :)
Ok, so we've got 2 tow trucks, and i sent my old boss home cause there was
nothin more for him to do. So the drivers are hooked up and i hop in "Big
Red" and put her in neutral like the told me to. Thing is, they both hooked
up to the same spot on the frame, and they started winching me but my truck
starts to twist and roll towards them. I'm gettin a little nervous but they
saw what was happening and let out some slack and hooked one line to the
other side of the frame.
So i am finally yanked out and free from that wreched ditch. I feel like i
should give these guys some extra cash for helping me when they really
didn't have to, so i tell them to meet me at a gas station near-by and i'll
grab some money from the cash machine.
So i grab some bucks, and walk into the gas station where they've already
been given coffee from the lady workin there.
As i walk in, she's laughin at me (one shoe on and muddy as hell), but she's
try to yell at me to stay on the matt so i don't get the floor all muddy.
And the two drivers are laughin at me too, cause this is the first time
they've seen me in the light, and i was lookin mighty rough.
So i gave them 20 bucks each and said thanks, and headed on home.
Stripped down to my boxers and sprayed myself down with a very, very cold
hose before i ran down to the basement shower.
So i'm all cleaned up and fall into bed, the clock says 4:30. Good, i get 2
and 1/2 hours sleep before i have to get up for work. :)
Hope everyone enjoyed my little tale!
And while at the time, i was probably having the worst time of my life, now,
it's a great story that i enjoy telling.
I hope everyone has great stories to tell.
And please share them on the DML so i don't feel like the only idiot.
hehehehehehehehehehehehe
Frank WJ
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