On Thu, July 21, 2005 3:28 pm, Josh Battles said:
>
> Fantastic, but please make sure you requisition for a high output Mr.
> Fusion
> unit. I've used the standard ones before with less than desirable
> results.
But of course. Recall that I work in the aerospace sector, and we only
use the ultra output Mr. Fusion. Nothing but the best for our employees!
> By using the high output Mr. Fusion unit I suspect we will have enough
> extra
> power on hand that we may use it to power a Mr. Wind unit as well to cool
> the
> drive. As we all know, the Mr. Wind unit is very robust and should
> provide more than adequite airflow as well as durability.
Yes, it is indeed fortunate that Mr. Wind is so robust, because we
certainly don't want anyone breaking Mr. Wind. As we all know, the fumes
released when someone breaks Mr. Wind are extremely hazardous.
> Do you really think that 1.21 jiggabytes is enough to back up the whole
> interwebnet.com?
Do you have any idea how big a jiggabyte is? I believe you're thinking of
the old metric jiggabyte standard. I'm talking about the new Imperial
jiggabyte. It shall be more storage than you can possibly imagine.
Only one previous attempt has been made to create an entire Imperial
jiggabyte of storage using an array built from a mind-boggling number of
standard off-the-shelf hard drives. The ill-fated scientists conducting
this experiment performed it in Antarctica due to the natural cooling
properties of the environment. Needless to say, the magnetic and
gravitational forces of that much spinning mass in such close proximity
caused the hard drive rack to collapse in on itself. The resulting black
hole swallowed the entire lab and destroyed all records of the experiment.
The government has neither confirmed nor denied this report, meaning it
must be true beyond all doubt. Fortunately for us, this experiment was
conducted using clearly obsolete technology from way back in February.
Given the incredible advances in storage technology since then, I am
confident that we will be able to overcome this technical challenge.
> The last time I tried to create a jiggabyte of storage all
> I was able to store on it were a few miscellaneous Jay-Z songs that
> somehow
> corrupted the FAT record for the drive rendering it useless. Have you
> encountered this before? I have no workaround for this error but suspect
> it to be a common problem.
Why, you addle-brained fool! Your problem is clearly that you were using
the inferior FAT file system in your misguided attempt to create a
jiggabyte of storage. This magnitude of storage is far beyond the meager
capabilities of that technology. We shall be utilizing the new SOUTHBEACH
storage system, capable of shrinking each file to approximately one-one
billionth of its original size utilizing optical quantum flux
interferometry. In order to properly utilize this technology, I hope you
realize that we are going to be relying on your l337 cleaning and
polishing skills to remove all sub-atomic imperfections from the surface
of our hard drive platters. Bring lots of wax.
> In addition to the stealth technology to protect me from Commu-terrorists,
> I
> suspect a driveline upgrade to be necessary given the added weight of the
> stealth technology, UNLESS you had planned on using the new "Clearcoat
> Stealth" that was developed by Knight Industries in the mid 1980's.
> Reports
> on the Clearcoat Stealth technology leads me to believe that this is the
> perfect solution to our dilemma.
Fear not, your driveline shall be re-enforced. Even so, I believe the
Clearcoat Stealth technology bears further research. My understanding is
that it also relies heavily on the presence of a series of flashing red
lights on the front of the vehicle, designed to confuse and distract enemy
scanning systems. Unfortunately, as this system was invented in the mid
1980's, it pre-dates modern intarnetweb methods of information
distribution. The secrets of this technology remain irretrievably locked
within ancient "book" storage methods which utilize actual paper.
Difficult to comprehend, but true. Furthermore, these "books" are kept in
vaults called "libraries" under the jealous guardainship of the most
advanced and powerful masters of the Dewey Decimal arts. Rather than risk
angering the Dewey Decimal order, I shall obtain and study the
unauthorized "Knight Rider" documentary of this technology in an effort to
duplicate the valiant efforts of Knight Industries.
I gladly undertake this dangerous mission for the greater good. Wish me
success!
-- Jason Bleazard http://drazaelb.blogspot.com Burlington, Ontario his: '95 Dakota Sport 4x4, 3.9 V6, 5spd, Reg. Cab, white hers: '01 Dakota Sport 4x4, 4.7 V8, Auto, Quad Cab, black
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